Reality

Reality. It has a very unique way of running up on you and hitting you where it hurts. It has a way of showing you the facts instead of the lies you've been feeding yourself. 

Reality. It sucks. 

It's been a week since we lost our sweet Goldie. And I know some people are probably thinking "get over it already!" But it's a lot easier said than done. 

Following the days after Goldie I think I had checked out, mentally. I couldn't grasp everything that happened. And I certainly wasn't accepting of it. 

I was very much in denial. 

Then Saturday night as we watched two year old pacing fillies race, we ran into Ted who owns Topville Cadillac. She was flawless and won her Sire Stakes final, which Ted invited us to be in their win photo. It was exciting and we were so happy for him. 

But then as we stood in the winners circle reality struck. And it hit hard. I realized in that moment what had happened. I realized that all the times I hoped to meet Goldie there on a finals night was gone. That we weren't going to be picking her up from Purdue. That she was in fact gone. 

And then I got angry. 

I explained my frustrations to Mike. Telling him I was mad at what happened. I was mad that it happened to Goldie. I was mad that we couldn't save her. And I kept asking God why. 

And just as quick as that anger had arrived, it was gone. Leaving the sadness in its wake. And Mike so calmly and sweet explained to me that I had tried so diligently to be positive during it. That I hadn't prepared myself for this and that I had been hit with a "reality stick." Then he told me to cry. I cried a freaking ocean. 

And then I slept. 

I woke up, sad. But with a better perspective. Losing Goldie has been very tough. She was family. She was a friend. She was our kid. 

But I believe God has a beautifully wonderful plan. And sometimes the things that happen don't make sense. But I know I can't sit there and question. I have to move forward and trust in Gods plan. 

He blessed me with the time I had with her. Hes blessed me a loving family, wonderful friends, an amazing boyfriend, and a job I love.

So despite the bad things that happen. Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.  Because the reality of it all is that God has a plan and I know it's a freaking good one. 

And I rest in that!

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3 #BeEncouraged