Better Off This Way

Better Off This Way

Regret. 

Everyone has at least one regret in their life. Everyone has something they regret saying or doing. It may be small or maybe even a big one. But don’t try to fool yourself. We all have at least one. Its not bad, its not wrong, its called being human. 

You might regret something you said to someone. Maybe regret that guy you dated. Or maybe regret drinking a bunch one night and embarrassing yourself a bit….

just me? oh

Okay in all seriousness. Regretting something is not a bad thing at all. As long as you don’t wallow in self pity and let the regret consume your life. Sometimes regret can actually help put things in perspective for one. I’ll use myself as an example.

I sometimes regret switching high schools and graduating early. 

There's that friendship i regret letting go.

I regret spending that time dating that one guy.

But when it comes down to it I’m okay with how things played out. Just those small things (except my beloved car ha!) could have changed my course. I could be somewhere completely different than i am now. I could have a normal job and not be in the harness racing industry. I might not have met the friends I have now or be with Mike, I might not even have Snooze. (Woah, i can’t even think of an alternate world such as that.)

Graduating early helped me find the job i absolutely love. Letting that toxic friendship go helped me recognize what true friendship looks like. Breaking up helped me venture out and expand my horizons, helped me realize how i deserve to be treated. And Mike does a very good job of loving me for me!

The moral of this is that it is okay to look back and maybe regret a few things. Its totally normal. No ones life is perfect. Trust me. Instagram and Facebook may show you the perfect side of someones life but if you look closely and read the fine print you’ll realize that life isn’t as perfect as you thought. So remember that everything that has happened is all part of the beautiful plan God has planned for you.

So go ahead and take that second to look back and regret. But that's it. This is life. Take advantage of it. Make memories, laugh at your mistakes, take it all in and enjoy it. Because before you know it you'll blink and its gone. Its one big roller coaster and man its a hell of a ride!

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take!"

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3

Lexi

Right Where You Want Me To Be...

I've competed in a numerous amount of competitions. From horse shows, to sporting events, to pageants, and Sire Stake finals. All of them resulting in one common thing. Nerves. Ive sat and felt the nerves of wanting that blue ribbon, I've watched the score board and hoped for the best, I've stood on stage with my heart beating in my ears praying they call my name. But none of those moments can compare to last Saturday night.

Over the course of the year we have 5 legs of the sire stakes. Depending on how many eliminations they have for each leg you have to be in the top three horses of the eliminations to make the $75,000 final that follows after each elimination. You have to make it in those finals to get points to allow you in the big $220,000 super final.

We ended up in a few of those finals, placed well in them and made it into the top ten of the points. Which meant we were in the Super Final! We were very excited. Now it was time to make sure she was 100% ready.

She had a three week break before her last three races, which consisted of an elimination one week, a $75,000 final the next, and finally the super final. So these next three weeks were crucial. She was 3rd in the elimination, 5th in the $75,000 final, and now the super final was upon us.

To say my nerves were shot is by far an understatement. I woke up at 4:30 am to excited to really sleep (still think my nerves just weren't allowing me!) I headed to the barn to make sure all of her stuff was ready and packed for detention. That day we had to be at Hoosier Park by 10 am for early detention. Which meant I had a long day of thinking about this race!

Well lets push this story ahead. I spent the day in front of her stall, watching netflix, and constantly fidgeting around. Goose on the other hand spent her day eating and sleeping. By 4:30 everyone was starting to make their way into the paddock to get their horses ready for warm up.

4:30 was when Goose was awake and incredibly active in her stall. She knew what time it was and she was getting pumped. She was squealing, kicking, and bucking around her stall. It was race day and she was letting us know she was ready.

Now me on the other hand it just increased my anxiety. I got her harnessed up with shaky hands and my heart beating in my chest. You may ask "Lexi, why in the hell were you freaking out?" Well I'll answer that in a minute but back to the story......

So she warmed up great and before you know it, it was race time. We hooked her to the race bike, i told Sam to go for the gold, and off they went to the track. It was officially out of our hands and all trust was in God and in Sam to pilot her around the track.

Mike and I went our separate ways as we always do when we've raced in sire stakes. He went to the paddock and i sat outside on the light pole and watched.

They marched to the gate and i bowed my head. My heart beat was in my ears and i heard Alexa walk up and watch the race with me. She sat with me and told me how the race was going. Sam had ducked off and landed 8th. I looked up to confirm what she had said. First Quarter in 27.2. I kept telling myself that was okay. They got to the half in 56.1 and Sam pulled her, coming with cover. He was sitting third in the outer flow. I sat silently as Alexa just kept encouraging me. Telling me it was looking good.

Here's Goose. Shes 5th, shes 4th, shes third. "Yes, shes gonna at least go to the spit box." I remember telling Alexa. The tv announcer, Steve Cross is talking about Hah ChaChaCha who's currently in the lead and Rock Me Gorgeous who's coming with the upset. But Goose is still surging and before i know it I'm screaming and jumping. Telling Goose to go, to leave it all out there. Steve Cross is saying "its Rock Me Gorgeous who takes command", and then " its Gooses Weedie. Gooses Weedie gets by for the win in 1:54.4"

But all i heard is her name as she crosses the wire and I have just fallen over in tears. Alexa is there hugging me and telling me congratulations. But i cant figure out what just happened and shes telling me go to the van. At this point Mike is running out of the paddock just on cloud nine. So i of course run to the van and we head to meet our girl in the winners circle.

We get out of the van and as we wait for her to make her way to us i run and hug my mom who had come to cheer us on. I pull away and look around to see so many familiar faces. (Some apparently didn't get in the photo with us! lol Hello at that moment everyone is invited!) I run up to catch Goose and we make our way in the circle, so many people telling us congrats. Some familiar and some strangers, but I still cant grasp what is going on!

We take our picture and I'm off to take her to the spit box while they interview mike. And here i am in the spitbox on cloud nine. Because we knew she go do it and she did it.

So to answer that question from a minute ago. I was so nervous because i wanted this so bad for our owner and for mike. If you havent been tuning in we had a horse that mike and i just simply adored. She was also a sire stake horse, and a good one at that. But she died last year from west nile. And nothing was the same after that.

So to go for there to here has been a huge blessing. To see Mike that happy and the owners excited was just an amazing feeling. It was an amazing blessing. I had sat there time and time again and asked God when things would get better and questioned why we lost our mare. But while i was in the spit box, no joke a verse popped in my head i had seen only days earlier.

"The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming." -Romans 8:18

And how right that verse was. We went through some tough trials. But God certainly saw us through all those times. So if your going through any tough times. If your feeling lost, broken, alone. I tell you this God is always there. He is always with you. You may not feel like things are going the right way. But I promise you this, they will get better. You will get there!

Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

I promise you God truly does have a wonderfully beautifully made plan for each of us. Just trust in Him!

Before i sign off a special thank you to our familys, Charlie and Nancy Kline for sticking by us, Sam Widger for taking such great care of our girl each start, for Marcus and all his warm up pep talks, the miller stable for being our converse family and cheering us on, to Ryan Welch and his family for always encouraging us and wishing us luck even though we faced off each week. To Mariah and Alesha who helped grab all my things for the spit box and their sweet words, Alexa for being my moral support during the race, and to everyone else that sent us text messages, phone calls, and facebook comments. You all have been truly amazing and we are so blessed to know each one of you.

Thanks for reading and remember...

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3 

Shine On

Shine On

“For I know the plans I have you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Ive had writers block for a few weeks now. But I had a moment as i was leading horses where i felt God tugging at my heart. I’ve always wanted to be an authentic woman, I’ve always wanted to be real. And I was a one point. I’d like to say I finally am now. 

I have big dreams. Dreams to inspire, dreams to make a difference, dreams to encourage. I want people to remember me for being a good person. I want people to look at me and see that no matter what I have been through my faith has always been whats gotten me through everything. 

But when you have dreams like that, you have doubts too. You wonder if you’ll ever achieve those dreams, wonder how you’ll do it, or wonder if someone else out there is better qualified to do as such. When you let your dreams succumb to your doubts well thats when things get a little tricky. 

I can certainly speak from experience. I’m a girl with some crazy goals and dreams but I’ve made the mistake of listening to my doubts. I’ve been harsh on myself. I’ve talked myself out of opportunities and I’ve beaten myself down. I’ve had the struggle of constantly looking in the mirror and downgrading the girl looking back. I’ve looked at other girls and wondered why can’t i look like her or why i can’t do the things she does. I’ve let my doubts take over my mind.

The mind is a wonderful but dangerous thing. It can be the creator of some amazing things, but it can be the death to dreams. In todays society so many of us are pushed to be more than what we are. We see the people on television and think we should look like them, or we see people at the age of 22 building their own companies and wondering why are we still working in this same job.

But the thing of it all is we are all different. We are all designed and built to do different things than others. We each have a beautifully made plan just for us. And i know its so much easier to hear that than believe it. I’ve been there numerous times. 

We are who we are. We aren’t supposed to look like Becky or talk like jack or whatever. We are supposed to be ourselves. I’m me and the only person thats as good as Lexi is in fact me! We need to stop comparing ourselves to other people. We need to be comfortable in our own skin and not worry about what its like to be in others. We need to remember we are exactly who God created uss to be.

We are all born with the power to do incredible things. We are all born to go out and change the world if we want. We are all born to be extraordinary. We are all born with that power. But its up to you on how you choose to use it. 

So i ask you, will you go out and chase your dreams? or will you succumb to your doubts?

I think I might go jump Snooze, chase another crown, or maybe get a tattoo. 

Cristina Yang said it best “The world is your oyster. Make lemonade.”

<3 Jesus is the Way! <3

Lexi

#BeEncouraged

Here's To Never Growing Up

Here’s To Never Growing Up

Time. Past, present, and future. It comes and goes. Slow and fast. Never ceasing. If you don’t watch closely it will flash before your eyes. Remember when you were young? You’d get in trouble and tell your parents how you couldn’t wait to grow up. Then the next thing you know your in your twenties calling your mom asking for her help on how to make yourself dinner. 

Remember the times of play-do and crayons, waking up early for Saturday morning cartoons, sleepovers that never once resulted in sleep? Remember the times of creativity and imagination? Remember the times when you’d meet up with your friends on your bikes and just go? Do you remember the times when we never had responsibilities?

I know its part of growing up. At some point we stop playing dress up and make believe and eventually put on our big girl panties and advance into the world. Its crazy to think how fast everything happens. How one minute were little kids playing make believe, then fast forward and were trying to figure out if we have enough money for a burrito after paying all the bills. Grey’s Anatomy asked the questions best:

When did we grow up? And how in the world do we make it stop?

Don’t get me wrong there is a lot of fun to being an adult. We can buy and legally drink alcohol, we can stay out as late as we want, we can make our own decisions (within a legal aspect), we can throw our things around and not have to worry about picking up after ourselves. Being an adult isn’t all that bad. But when we were kids we never read the fine print to being an adult when we wished so hard to grow up.

The moral of this post is to remember to not get so caught up in the adult world. I can certainly say i don’t. I still put on snow pants and play in the snow. I turn on the music up loud and dance in my underwear. I sing as loud as i can in the shower. I lay in bed and binge on Marvel movies and Transformers. If I’m in Barnes and Nobles and see the Sailor Moon comics don’t think i won’t buy one. And i certainly walk around trying to catch pokemon! I’m still a nerdy kid at heart and no amount of adult duties will change that.

So with that in mind. Take a minute from your adult duties. Turn on some music and dance it out. Go sit on the couch and watch an old movie from your childhood. Go play in the snow. Life is to short to be so busy in the ways of this world. Don’t spend so much time stressing about money or bills. Don’t spend so much time thinking about the future. Stop and look around. Because before you know it time will get the best of you and you’ll be looking back wondering why you never lived.

“How pleasant to see a new day dawning….Young people, it’s wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give account to God for everything you do.” (Ecclesiastes 11: 7, 9)

Remember Jesus is the Wayy!

~ Lexi

Best Of Me

Best Of Me

I came to the harness racing industry in January of 2012. In my interview with Mike he told me that I was to NOT fall in love with any of the horses, because in this business they come and go. Owners will buy and sell and chances are very high that you’ll only be around a horse for a couple years. That didn’t sound hard to me at all. I had my own riding horse that i loved dearly. So another horse wouldn’t come in the way.

So i thought!

I was assigned six horses to care for and one of them happened to be Snooze. He was this big, gorgeous two year old bay pacing colt but he was a giant a$$! We didn’t get along at all. He was still a stud and an ornery one at that. He was constantly trying to bite and kick me all the time. Everyday was a constant battle with him and I strongly disliked this horse.

Then came the week i got the flu. I couldn’t afford to take the time off from work, so i sucked it up and went. That week happened to be the week Snooze would lose all man hood. He was getting cut. I remember this like it was yesterday and not almost five years ago. I walked into his stall the morning after he got cut and i just looked at him. He looked like how i felt, miserable. So i finally just said “Bud, i don’t feel good and you don’t feel good either. So can we please just be cool?” He stood there for a moment and looked at me before walking up to me and placing his head against my chest. That was the first moment he had ever shown me any compassion.

And that was the moment i fell in love with him.

The next thing I knew Snooze and I had become best friends. He had become the reason I woke up in the morning and went to work. He knew how to start my day off right when i would walk in the barn. He was always so excited to see me. This horse had become my world. He was all that i talked about. And he was just as in love with me as i was him. He'd make me laugh when id take him out to his paddock so he could run and play. He'd stand by that gate and knicker as i walked away as if to say, "where are you going come play?"

Snooze was the horse you see in the movies. He and i would run around together in the paddock and id lay down in his stall with him and take a nap. He hated to see me give attention to anyone but him.  

Fast forward to the next year, 2013. Snooze didn’t make it to the track as a two year old. I came back for summer vacation from Vincennes, beyond excited to see my favorite boss and favorite race horse. Snooze and i were inseparable. I thought when I left for school it would have changed but nothing had. 

I had to stay with him at all times in the paddock at Hoosier or else he’d throw a temper tantrum that would result in security coming to find me. He didn’t like others being around me except for mike. He knew I was his person and he was my horse. We were like peas and carrots!

I was able to convince Mike to let me break him to ride. And it only intensified our bond. We'd go out there and just forget everything. 

But racing came to end for the season so Mike and the other guy who owned Snooze decided to send him out east to race for the winter. I wasn't fond of the idea but i knew he’d come home in late January. I also knew the couple that would be training him would treat him well and spoil him like i did. So everything was going to be okay. 

or so i thought.

Snooze was racing very well out there. Repeatedly placing second in his races. So he’s homecoming date got pushed until what was looking like Valentines day. Which i was thrilled because i had just gone through a breakup and who better to be my valentine then my horse. It was great and i was so happy to see his success. But with the success came offers to buy him. 

February 12th, 2013 I received the text message that the offer had gotten to high to refuse and just like that Snooze was gone. And my heart had shattered. The breakup i had been going through seemed minuscule to this. I had just lost my best friend. He was no longer coming home but was on his way to New Jersey. 

I watched and waited patiently, trying to not lose hope that he would someday come home. But it got hard watching him come up for sale and not being able to afford the price. i was losing hope in ever seeing my best friend again.

Snooze eventually left New Jersey and made it to Ohio. Which was a little closer to home. A trainer had him and he was eventually claimed in a claiming race by a man named Greg and his wife Wendy. How did i know this? Because my mom was able to find out who the lucky person was to have Snooze. 

We were able to tell him the story of Snooze and I and that if he ever came back up for sale to let me know. He agreed and kept me up to date on how Snooze was, sending pictures and videos of Snooze eating bananas. I couldn't have asked for him to be with people that treated him as well as they did. They spoiled him just like he deserved.

I recently had shoulder surgery so i have spent quite a bit of time sleeping due to my pain medication. Thursday was different though. I went to the doctor because my pain had started to increase and my medication wasn't doing anything to help except making me sick. So i went to the doctor where they made sure there was no infection and changed my medicine. Which actually helped. So i came home took my medicine and fell asleep.

I woke up to some missed calls and texts and one voicemail. I checked the message and what i heard made my heart stop. Greg had called asking if i still wanted Snooze and to give him a call. Of course the first thing i did was freak out, yell for mom, and call mike. I told mike what was going on and that i was getting ready to return the phone call. I was nervous because i didn't know what was going to happen.

So i called Gregg and asked what was going on. He told me that they had decided to stop racing Snooze and were wanting to know if i still wanted him. Which of course i replied with a yes. I asked him what were we looking at with the price which immediately made my heart speed up. But his response shocked me.

"We talked and decided we would just give him to you."

I cried in that moment. I was so surprised he could understand what i was saying. I cried because this couple was so graciously giving me my horse back, my best friend. I cried because God had answered my prayers. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that after two years i would finally get to see my best friend again. This time i would own him.

We decided it'd be to long of a haul for me for just having shoulder surgery. So we set it up for someone to pick him up at North field and to meet us in Dayton on Sunday. I hate not being able to thank this amazing couple in person for taking such amazing care of my horse and for letting me have him. But they will forever be a blessing to me. I am so grateful that God had them claim Snooze. I am beyond grateful to God for them.

Sunday I will be reunited with my horse. I don't know how long the next couple days are going to seem due to my excitement but Sunday better hurry up. But this brings me to this. No matter how hard some things are. No matter how long things seem. No matter what happens, God will bring you through it. God will give you a happy ending and God is always listening. It may have taken two years but God set all of this up.

There is always that one horse that will impact your life and forever leave a mark. That one horse that will change your life. I've dreamed of this moment for two years, because that horse is Snooze.

Jesus is the Wayy!!

~ Lexi