Reality

Reality. It has a very unique way of running up on you and hitting you where it hurts. It has a way of showing you the facts instead of the lies you've been feeding yourself. 

Reality. It sucks. 

It's been a week since we lost our sweet Goldie. And I know some people are probably thinking "get over it already!" But it's a lot easier said than done. 

Following the days after Goldie I think I had checked out, mentally. I couldn't grasp everything that happened. And I certainly wasn't accepting of it. 

I was very much in denial. 

Then Saturday night as we watched two year old pacing fillies race, we ran into Ted who owns Topville Cadillac. She was flawless and won her Sire Stakes final, which Ted invited us to be in their win photo. It was exciting and we were so happy for him. 

But then as we stood in the winners circle reality struck. And it hit hard. I realized in that moment what had happened. I realized that all the times I hoped to meet Goldie there on a finals night was gone. That we weren't going to be picking her up from Purdue. That she was in fact gone. 

And then I got angry. 

I explained my frustrations to Mike. Telling him I was mad at what happened. I was mad that it happened to Goldie. I was mad that we couldn't save her. And I kept asking God why. 

And just as quick as that anger had arrived, it was gone. Leaving the sadness in its wake. And Mike so calmly and sweet explained to me that I had tried so diligently to be positive during it. That I hadn't prepared myself for this and that I had been hit with a "reality stick." Then he told me to cry. I cried a freaking ocean. 

And then I slept. 

I woke up, sad. But with a better perspective. Losing Goldie has been very tough. She was family. She was a friend. She was our kid. 

But I believe God has a beautifully wonderful plan. And sometimes the things that happen don't make sense. But I know I can't sit there and question. I have to move forward and trust in Gods plan. 

He blessed me with the time I had with her. Hes blessed me a loving family, wonderful friends, an amazing boyfriend, and a job I love.

So despite the bad things that happen. Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.  Because the reality of it all is that God has a plan and I know it's a freaking good one. 

And I rest in that!

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3 #BeEncouraged 

Hell of An Amen

I remember standing there, not paying any attention to what was going on in the background. To engaged in the conversation I was having, until I heard my name. I remember Mike telling me to go look at the horse he had bought. At the time I didn't think he was going to buy anything so I was thrilled. I remember running down the aisle until I found #180. 

I opened the door to be greeted by two wide eyes. She was beautiful. A long blaze slid down her face and she seemed so calm yet alert. 

"Your coming home with me baby girl!" I said to her. She walked right up and placed her head to my chest. In that moment I knew I had fallen in love. 

In the months to come we broke her to the harness. She was anything but calm. She bucked, kicked, tried to lay down. She was wild. But Then as quick as the switch had turned on it switched back off. And she was a sweetheart. She did her own thing. She'd jog with her tongue hanging out and as soon as you bathed her she was right back in the sawdust as if to tell you she liked being dirty. She was the definition of perfection. 

She only impressed us more when she went to Hoosier and excelled in the Sire Stakes. It was a job and she was a hard working professional. She loved it. 

She was never just a horse to us. She wasn't just an animal. She had become our child. She did whatever she could to make us happy and we tried to return the favor. She was a huge blessing. 

So when she got sick we tried to tell ourselves she'd get better. And she tried. She fought hard. She tried to make us happy. But seeing her the way she was only broke our hearts more. We exhausted all our options to try and bring back our carefree, blaze face. But it didn't work. She looked exhausted, but still tried to be herself. When we'd get emotional she'd start to chew on our shirt or nudge one of us with her head. Almost to say "it'll be okay." 

So when they called and told Mike what needed to be done he knew it was her time. She didn't owe anyone anything. She had gone above and beyond for all of us. And she deserved to go in peace. She deserved to no longer be in pain or suffer. And just like that she was gone. 

And it hurts. 

I don't think I'll ever meet a horse as classy as she was. As willing and giving as her. She may of had a few bad races. She may have not won the big final. But she did everything right. She was flawless and she was honest. She was an athlete and she'd tried her hardest. And she loved us unconditionally. But she loved Mike more. He was her person. If she wanted anyone, it was him. 

They were the dream team. 

She was our Goldie. And we now have to rest in the fact she's kicking up the dirt in heaven. 

So don't tell us she's just a horse. Don't tell us that we didn't lose a family member. And don't tell us that we should have appreciated all the good times. Because we did. We appreciated everything about her. And we still do!

She's probably going in .52 now. 😊

We love you Goldie. Thank you for everything that you did for us. Rest easy mama. Till we meet again. 

🎶That's the only way to go

Fightin' the good fight

Til the Good Lord calls you home

And so be well my friend

Til' I see you again

This is our last goodbye

But it's a Hell of an Amen, Amen💔