Shine On

Shine On

“For I know the plans I have you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Ive had writers block for a few weeks now. But I had a moment as i was leading horses where i felt God tugging at my heart. I’ve always wanted to be an authentic woman, I’ve always wanted to be real. And I was a one point. I’d like to say I finally am now. 

I have big dreams. Dreams to inspire, dreams to make a difference, dreams to encourage. I want people to remember me for being a good person. I want people to look at me and see that no matter what I have been through my faith has always been whats gotten me through everything. 

But when you have dreams like that, you have doubts too. You wonder if you’ll ever achieve those dreams, wonder how you’ll do it, or wonder if someone else out there is better qualified to do as such. When you let your dreams succumb to your doubts well thats when things get a little tricky. 

I can certainly speak from experience. I’m a girl with some crazy goals and dreams but I’ve made the mistake of listening to my doubts. I’ve been harsh on myself. I’ve talked myself out of opportunities and I’ve beaten myself down. I’ve had the struggle of constantly looking in the mirror and downgrading the girl looking back. I’ve looked at other girls and wondered why can’t i look like her or why i can’t do the things she does. I’ve let my doubts take over my mind.

The mind is a wonderful but dangerous thing. It can be the creator of some amazing things, but it can be the death to dreams. In todays society so many of us are pushed to be more than what we are. We see the people on television and think we should look like them, or we see people at the age of 22 building their own companies and wondering why are we still working in this same job.

But the thing of it all is we are all different. We are all designed and built to do different things than others. We each have a beautifully made plan just for us. And i know its so much easier to hear that than believe it. I’ve been there numerous times. 

We are who we are. We aren’t supposed to look like Becky or talk like jack or whatever. We are supposed to be ourselves. I’m me and the only person thats as good as Lexi is in fact me! We need to stop comparing ourselves to other people. We need to be comfortable in our own skin and not worry about what its like to be in others. We need to remember we are exactly who God created uss to be.

We are all born with the power to do incredible things. We are all born to go out and change the world if we want. We are all born to be extraordinary. We are all born with that power. But its up to you on how you choose to use it. 

So i ask you, will you go out and chase your dreams? or will you succumb to your doubts?

I think I might go jump Snooze, chase another crown, or maybe get a tattoo. 

Cristina Yang said it best “The world is your oyster. Make lemonade.”

<3 Jesus is the Way! <3

Lexi

#BeEncouraged

Here's To Never Growing Up

Here’s To Never Growing Up

Time. Past, present, and future. It comes and goes. Slow and fast. Never ceasing. If you don’t watch closely it will flash before your eyes. Remember when you were young? You’d get in trouble and tell your parents how you couldn’t wait to grow up. Then the next thing you know your in your twenties calling your mom asking for her help on how to make yourself dinner. 

Remember the times of play-do and crayons, waking up early for Saturday morning cartoons, sleepovers that never once resulted in sleep? Remember the times of creativity and imagination? Remember the times when you’d meet up with your friends on your bikes and just go? Do you remember the times when we never had responsibilities?

I know its part of growing up. At some point we stop playing dress up and make believe and eventually put on our big girl panties and advance into the world. Its crazy to think how fast everything happens. How one minute were little kids playing make believe, then fast forward and were trying to figure out if we have enough money for a burrito after paying all the bills. Grey’s Anatomy asked the questions best:

When did we grow up? And how in the world do we make it stop?

Don’t get me wrong there is a lot of fun to being an adult. We can buy and legally drink alcohol, we can stay out as late as we want, we can make our own decisions (within a legal aspect), we can throw our things around and not have to worry about picking up after ourselves. Being an adult isn’t all that bad. But when we were kids we never read the fine print to being an adult when we wished so hard to grow up.

The moral of this post is to remember to not get so caught up in the adult world. I can certainly say i don’t. I still put on snow pants and play in the snow. I turn on the music up loud and dance in my underwear. I sing as loud as i can in the shower. I lay in bed and binge on Marvel movies and Transformers. If I’m in Barnes and Nobles and see the Sailor Moon comics don’t think i won’t buy one. And i certainly walk around trying to catch pokemon! I’m still a nerdy kid at heart and no amount of adult duties will change that.

So with that in mind. Take a minute from your adult duties. Turn on some music and dance it out. Go sit on the couch and watch an old movie from your childhood. Go play in the snow. Life is to short to be so busy in the ways of this world. Don’t spend so much time stressing about money or bills. Don’t spend so much time thinking about the future. Stop and look around. Because before you know it time will get the best of you and you’ll be looking back wondering why you never lived.

“How pleasant to see a new day dawning….Young people, it’s wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give account to God for everything you do.” (Ecclesiastes 11: 7, 9)

Remember Jesus is the Wayy!

~ Lexi

Best Of Me

Best Of Me

I came to the harness racing industry in January of 2012. In my interview with Mike he told me that I was to NOT fall in love with any of the horses, because in this business they come and go. Owners will buy and sell and chances are very high that you’ll only be around a horse for a couple years. That didn’t sound hard to me at all. I had my own riding horse that i loved dearly. So another horse wouldn’t come in the way.

So i thought!

I was assigned six horses to care for and one of them happened to be Snooze. He was this big, gorgeous two year old bay pacing colt but he was a giant a$$! We didn’t get along at all. He was still a stud and an ornery one at that. He was constantly trying to bite and kick me all the time. Everyday was a constant battle with him and I strongly disliked this horse.

Then came the week i got the flu. I couldn’t afford to take the time off from work, so i sucked it up and went. That week happened to be the week Snooze would lose all man hood. He was getting cut. I remember this like it was yesterday and not almost five years ago. I walked into his stall the morning after he got cut and i just looked at him. He looked like how i felt, miserable. So i finally just said “Bud, i don’t feel good and you don’t feel good either. So can we please just be cool?” He stood there for a moment and looked at me before walking up to me and placing his head against my chest. That was the first moment he had ever shown me any compassion.

And that was the moment i fell in love with him.

The next thing I knew Snooze and I had become best friends. He had become the reason I woke up in the morning and went to work. He knew how to start my day off right when i would walk in the barn. He was always so excited to see me. This horse had become my world. He was all that i talked about. And he was just as in love with me as i was him. He'd make me laugh when id take him out to his paddock so he could run and play. He'd stand by that gate and knicker as i walked away as if to say, "where are you going come play?"

Snooze was the horse you see in the movies. He and i would run around together in the paddock and id lay down in his stall with him and take a nap. He hated to see me give attention to anyone but him.  

Fast forward to the next year, 2013. Snooze didn’t make it to the track as a two year old. I came back for summer vacation from Vincennes, beyond excited to see my favorite boss and favorite race horse. Snooze and i were inseparable. I thought when I left for school it would have changed but nothing had. 

I had to stay with him at all times in the paddock at Hoosier or else he’d throw a temper tantrum that would result in security coming to find me. He didn’t like others being around me except for mike. He knew I was his person and he was my horse. We were like peas and carrots!

I was able to convince Mike to let me break him to ride. And it only intensified our bond. We'd go out there and just forget everything. 

But racing came to end for the season so Mike and the other guy who owned Snooze decided to send him out east to race for the winter. I wasn't fond of the idea but i knew he’d come home in late January. I also knew the couple that would be training him would treat him well and spoil him like i did. So everything was going to be okay. 

or so i thought.

Snooze was racing very well out there. Repeatedly placing second in his races. So he’s homecoming date got pushed until what was looking like Valentines day. Which i was thrilled because i had just gone through a breakup and who better to be my valentine then my horse. It was great and i was so happy to see his success. But with the success came offers to buy him. 

February 12th, 2013 I received the text message that the offer had gotten to high to refuse and just like that Snooze was gone. And my heart had shattered. The breakup i had been going through seemed minuscule to this. I had just lost my best friend. He was no longer coming home but was on his way to New Jersey. 

I watched and waited patiently, trying to not lose hope that he would someday come home. But it got hard watching him come up for sale and not being able to afford the price. i was losing hope in ever seeing my best friend again.

Snooze eventually left New Jersey and made it to Ohio. Which was a little closer to home. A trainer had him and he was eventually claimed in a claiming race by a man named Greg and his wife Wendy. How did i know this? Because my mom was able to find out who the lucky person was to have Snooze. 

We were able to tell him the story of Snooze and I and that if he ever came back up for sale to let me know. He agreed and kept me up to date on how Snooze was, sending pictures and videos of Snooze eating bananas. I couldn't have asked for him to be with people that treated him as well as they did. They spoiled him just like he deserved.

I recently had shoulder surgery so i have spent quite a bit of time sleeping due to my pain medication. Thursday was different though. I went to the doctor because my pain had started to increase and my medication wasn't doing anything to help except making me sick. So i went to the doctor where they made sure there was no infection and changed my medicine. Which actually helped. So i came home took my medicine and fell asleep.

I woke up to some missed calls and texts and one voicemail. I checked the message and what i heard made my heart stop. Greg had called asking if i still wanted Snooze and to give him a call. Of course the first thing i did was freak out, yell for mom, and call mike. I told mike what was going on and that i was getting ready to return the phone call. I was nervous because i didn't know what was going to happen.

So i called Gregg and asked what was going on. He told me that they had decided to stop racing Snooze and were wanting to know if i still wanted him. Which of course i replied with a yes. I asked him what were we looking at with the price which immediately made my heart speed up. But his response shocked me.

"We talked and decided we would just give him to you."

I cried in that moment. I was so surprised he could understand what i was saying. I cried because this couple was so graciously giving me my horse back, my best friend. I cried because God had answered my prayers. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that after two years i would finally get to see my best friend again. This time i would own him.

We decided it'd be to long of a haul for me for just having shoulder surgery. So we set it up for someone to pick him up at North field and to meet us in Dayton on Sunday. I hate not being able to thank this amazing couple in person for taking such amazing care of my horse and for letting me have him. But they will forever be a blessing to me. I am so grateful that God had them claim Snooze. I am beyond grateful to God for them.

Sunday I will be reunited with my horse. I don't know how long the next couple days are going to seem due to my excitement but Sunday better hurry up. But this brings me to this. No matter how hard some things are. No matter how long things seem. No matter what happens, God will bring you through it. God will give you a happy ending and God is always listening. It may have taken two years but God set all of this up.

There is always that one horse that will impact your life and forever leave a mark. That one horse that will change your life. I've dreamed of this moment for two years, because that horse is Snooze.

Jesus is the Wayy!!

~ Lexi

Goodbye 2015! Hello 2016!!

Goodbye 2015! Hello 2016!!

Its almost 2016 and i find myself looking back over the course of this year. Its hard to believe how much can change in just a short amount of time. Its hard to believe how some things just play out. Coming into 2015 I never would have thought I’d be where i am now, and its just been one short year. I came into it as a new horse owner, very excited yet nervous on how my two year old would start out. I came into the year as a full time assistant trainer to my boyfriend. Hoping and praying I would remember everything he had taught me. I came into the year with hopes and dreams, not once thinking the year would play out the way it has. 

If you had told me January 1st, 2015 that the horse we just picked up from her vacation in Kentucky would trot in 54 flat i honestly wouldn’t have been surprised. But if you had told me that she would contract West Nile and end up dying, well i would have told you to shut your mouth. If you had told me that I would end up getting in a nasty accident and totaling my car and fracture my hand, i would have laughed and said no way.  Because this stuff doesn’t happen to me, or so i thought.

2015 started off with a bang. How could it not? Goldie had ended 2014 coming 2nd in the Sire Stakes final. We had bought some decent bred yearlings from the sale. And we had a barn full of new horses. 2015 was looking pretty decent for us. When Goldie started her 3 year old career she started it off with a win coming from last with Brad Hanners. To us that was a sign we were going to be alright. The next couple months were pretty good. My two year old trotting colt went out and won his first lifetime start at converse then came back two weeks later and did it again. It seemed like everything was coming together for a banner year.

Then Goldie went in 54 flat and we went nuts. We knew that we had another shot in the big final. We didn’t think we would beat Churita but we knew we had the potential to finish in the top three once more. So she got another couple weeks off and came back for an elimination then a final. That final was the worst she had raced. Luckily there was a couple weeks before she would race again and maybe she needed a little break.

Next thing we knew she was sick. What we thought was tying up, turned out to be West Nile. We exhausted all our options to try and keep our mare. Taking her to Purdue in hopes they could save her. But before we knew it she was gone. That was only three months ago and it feels like a lifetime ago. 

After she died it turned into a domino effect. One thing after another happened. We ended up having another horse get sick from West Nile, but by the grace of God we were able to save him. I thought if we were able to save him things would start to get better, right?

Nope. Next thing i know i got in a car accident that was bad enough to total both cars, fracture my hand, and leave with me with a constant thought on how it could have been so much worse. 

I’ve sat here and continually thought about how bad this year turned out. Ive sat here and thought how its not fair that all this has happened. Ive sat here and thought how we should have made sure she had been vaccinated, or how i should have stayed home that day. But in the end it doesn’t matter if you have these thoughts. You can’t change the past, you can only learn from it.

You can sit there and wallow in your own misery or you can get up and make a change. You can sit there and do the “what ifs” but in then end it won’t change anything. it just makes you hurt even more. 

I believe things happen for a reason and that it really is a part of God’s plan no matter how hard it is. We were blessed to have Goldie and all of the memories she gave us. I was blessed that the accident hadn’t been worse and that everyone was alive and okay. We have to look at the little things, even if our problems seem so huge. We have to keep our heads up, our hearts protected, and remember that everything will in the end workout.

So as I go in to 2016 i still have my hopes and dreams for how the year will go. Will it go how I plan, probably not. But it will definitely be a wild ride and I’m certainly up to it. So as you go into the New Year leave whatever has hurt you in the past. Your mistakes, your heartbreaks, leave it in 2015. Don’t go into the new year letting all of that drag you down. Don’t let those moments break you. Don't let them define you! This is it! 2016 is your year! Go out and embrace it!! 

Oh! and remember Jesus is the Wayy!! 

~Lexi

Thanksgiving

 It's been quite awhile since I've posted a blog. A couple things have happened that have certainly gotten the best of me. But I've finally had time to come to terms with somethings and also realize that I'm more than what others may think I am! 

So as we come into the holidays I'm here to tell you it gets better. And it can be hard to see that. It can sometimes feel like your world is falling apart and you may even feel alone in it all. But it's not, and your certainly not alone. 

I know it. Because I often have moments where I feel alone, so totally alone. And it's a rough feeling, especially when your going through some hardships. And let's be real there's always at least one person that doesn't help that matter in anyway. 

In the past few months I've had a few things happen. And I've let what people said about me get the best of me. I've had my fair share of crying and lashing out. But then I realized that everybody goes through something. And that the people talking, well I'm better than what they think and better than them. 

Which brings me to this: Don't let that person get you down. Don't let that situation get you down. And don't let yourself get you down! 

You are more than what people think of you. You are more than the situation your in. Your more than what you think you are. 

Your just that, MORE!! 

Taylor swift said it best. Haters are gonna hate, so just shake it off! Shake it all off. Get up, dust those shoulders off, and lift your head up high. You can do this. You can make it through this tough time. You can make it through today. 

Today's a new day! Try looking at things in a new fresh perspective. It's the week of Thanksgiving. Take this time to not worry or stress. Instead take this time to look at the blessings in your life. Your family, your loved ones, your job, Ect. I promise when you count the blessings you'll find you have a lot more going for you than you think. 

So go make today your bitch! 

Happy Thanksgiving 

    & 

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3

-Lexi 

Reality

Reality. It has a very unique way of running up on you and hitting you where it hurts. It has a way of showing you the facts instead of the lies you've been feeding yourself. 

Reality. It sucks. 

It's been a week since we lost our sweet Goldie. And I know some people are probably thinking "get over it already!" But it's a lot easier said than done. 

Following the days after Goldie I think I had checked out, mentally. I couldn't grasp everything that happened. And I certainly wasn't accepting of it. 

I was very much in denial. 

Then Saturday night as we watched two year old pacing fillies race, we ran into Ted who owns Topville Cadillac. She was flawless and won her Sire Stakes final, which Ted invited us to be in their win photo. It was exciting and we were so happy for him. 

But then as we stood in the winners circle reality struck. And it hit hard. I realized in that moment what had happened. I realized that all the times I hoped to meet Goldie there on a finals night was gone. That we weren't going to be picking her up from Purdue. That she was in fact gone. 

And then I got angry. 

I explained my frustrations to Mike. Telling him I was mad at what happened. I was mad that it happened to Goldie. I was mad that we couldn't save her. And I kept asking God why. 

And just as quick as that anger had arrived, it was gone. Leaving the sadness in its wake. And Mike so calmly and sweet explained to me that I had tried so diligently to be positive during it. That I hadn't prepared myself for this and that I had been hit with a "reality stick." Then he told me to cry. I cried a freaking ocean. 

And then I slept. 

I woke up, sad. But with a better perspective. Losing Goldie has been very tough. She was family. She was a friend. She was our kid. 

But I believe God has a beautifully wonderful plan. And sometimes the things that happen don't make sense. But I know I can't sit there and question. I have to move forward and trust in Gods plan. 

He blessed me with the time I had with her. Hes blessed me a loving family, wonderful friends, an amazing boyfriend, and a job I love.

So despite the bad things that happen. Everything will be okay. Everything will work out.  Because the reality of it all is that God has a plan and I know it's a freaking good one. 

And I rest in that!

<3 Jesus is the Wayy!! <3 #BeEncouraged 

Hell of An Amen

I remember standing there, not paying any attention to what was going on in the background. To engaged in the conversation I was having, until I heard my name. I remember Mike telling me to go look at the horse he had bought. At the time I didn't think he was going to buy anything so I was thrilled. I remember running down the aisle until I found #180. 

I opened the door to be greeted by two wide eyes. She was beautiful. A long blaze slid down her face and she seemed so calm yet alert. 

"Your coming home with me baby girl!" I said to her. She walked right up and placed her head to my chest. In that moment I knew I had fallen in love. 

In the months to come we broke her to the harness. She was anything but calm. She bucked, kicked, tried to lay down. She was wild. But Then as quick as the switch had turned on it switched back off. And she was a sweetheart. She did her own thing. She'd jog with her tongue hanging out and as soon as you bathed her she was right back in the sawdust as if to tell you she liked being dirty. She was the definition of perfection. 

She only impressed us more when she went to Hoosier and excelled in the Sire Stakes. It was a job and she was a hard working professional. She loved it. 

She was never just a horse to us. She wasn't just an animal. She had become our child. She did whatever she could to make us happy and we tried to return the favor. She was a huge blessing. 

So when she got sick we tried to tell ourselves she'd get better. And she tried. She fought hard. She tried to make us happy. But seeing her the way she was only broke our hearts more. We exhausted all our options to try and bring back our carefree, blaze face. But it didn't work. She looked exhausted, but still tried to be herself. When we'd get emotional she'd start to chew on our shirt or nudge one of us with her head. Almost to say "it'll be okay." 

So when they called and told Mike what needed to be done he knew it was her time. She didn't owe anyone anything. She had gone above and beyond for all of us. And she deserved to go in peace. She deserved to no longer be in pain or suffer. And just like that she was gone. 

And it hurts. 

I don't think I'll ever meet a horse as classy as she was. As willing and giving as her. She may of had a few bad races. She may have not won the big final. But she did everything right. She was flawless and she was honest. She was an athlete and she'd tried her hardest. And she loved us unconditionally. But she loved Mike more. He was her person. If she wanted anyone, it was him. 

They were the dream team. 

She was our Goldie. And we now have to rest in the fact she's kicking up the dirt in heaven. 

So don't tell us she's just a horse. Don't tell us that we didn't lose a family member. And don't tell us that we should have appreciated all the good times. Because we did. We appreciated everything about her. And we still do!

She's probably going in .52 now. 😊

We love you Goldie. Thank you for everything that you did for us. Rest easy mama. Till we meet again. 

🎶That's the only way to go

Fightin' the good fight

Til the Good Lord calls you home

And so be well my friend

Til' I see you again

This is our last goodbye

But it's a Hell of an Amen, Amen💔